Mineral King, CA
tucked away high in the mountain tops is a tiny little community of cabins so quaint you may never want to leave. fishing by day & reading by night, we bush-wacked and hiked through a forest so quiet you didn't see a single soul the entire time. we spotted a bear stocking up on sugar cones, and i thought of what the ranger said and decided to put it to the test: "if you want to scare a bear away, just roar at it and make a bunch of noise." well, i did just that - and the bear looked at me almost laughingly, like i was trying to make a joke. that bear wasn't beary scared of me if you know what i mean.
september 17th, 2014 was the day i had my miscarriage. it started the day before, when i had a sinking feeling that morning that something was wrong. i was going about my normal day when i had an overwhelming sense of deep sadness and loss. the miscarriage began several hours later and went into the night and was finished by 1:20 am the next morning. i officially documented the happenings in my journal the next day, on the 18th. it was hard to wrap my mind around. my heart was breaking. and one year later i went back in my journal to re-read what i wrote during that time in my life where i felt especially broken to remember.
having a miscarriage was really hard. it took a toll on me, physically and emotionally, whether i like to admit it or not. it's hard to imagine that if things would have worked out, i'd have a squishy little 5 month old infant in my arms today. but, the lord works in mysterious ways and my baby will come another day. in the time since, i have experienced much heartache and grief and loss of all kinds. i am learning to cope and stay strong.
leaving los angeles this spring was a difficult yet easy choice. having lived there for the past three years, we experienced many great and wonderful things but also our fair share of hardship and struggle. my heart felt uneasy - unsettled - and while i have many of those answers now, and can see more clearly, i struggled to flourish there. i wouldn't say it was los angeles' fault. it's not really anybody's fault - let alone a place. life just has a way of trying to tell you something sometimes, and it might take you a little longer to figure out what it's trying to say. when an opportunity came up to return to idaho for a time, we took it without hesitation. we considered it prayerfully, and feel it came at a time when we needed it the most.
now we're here. surrounded by my family, and the places where i grew up. i never thought i'd live here as an adult - yet, here i am. again - the lord works in mysterious ways. one of my favorite things about living close to family is having my sister and her kids in my daily life. i've always had a very special connection with van - he rooted his way deep into my heart from the second i laid eyes on him. he is beyond god's greatest gift to the universe - he is my light and my joy, and he's not even mine! sometimes it seems absolutely ridiculous, but it's true. he and i go way back. we truly are best friends.
which brings me to my point. today began as any other day does - but i was feeling a little empty when my sister called me. she told me bubba had something he wanted to ask me. so van gets on the phone and with his adorable tiny little voice asks, "kyky, will you go on a date with me?" to say i about died is the understatement of the year. my heart exploded! it was quite easily the cutest freaking thing to ever happen, and i could hear megan saying "man! van asked his first girl on a date and she was a 27 year old! better watch out for this one!" she said he'd been talking about me all morning and how he wanted to go on a date with me and i know it was for a reason. that kid has no idea just how good he is for my soul. now i'm plotting the best date to take my tiny boyfriend on and how to make his chipmunk cheeks smile ear to ear all night. he's my best friend and even though he'll probably forget his first date with his aunty, i never will.